Poppy D. Cat

The Story of Me, as Told by My Ladyperson

Yes, this really is how I found my forever home.

In the words of my ladyperson:

"Twelve years ago, after sufficiently mourning the loss of my previous cat Weenie, I was ready to bring home a new kitty to love. My husband and I repeatedly visited our local animal shelter for weeks, until finally, a beautiful white kitty with a funny black mustache grabbed my heart. She hadn't yet been completely vetted, so we went home empty-handed.

One week later we returned to the same shelter and I told my husband, "If mustache kitty is still here, it's a sign she belongs with us." Well, she was still there and was now ready for adoption! I held her and loved on her and was ready to give her a forever home.

Then I felt something tapping at the ankle of my jeans. I looked down in fright, only to see a fuzzy gray arm stretched as far as it possibly could, pawing at my leg. I handed mustache kitty to a little girl who was admiring her and knelt down to see who/what was reaching for my leg.

In the dark, floor-level cage, I discovered a small mound of smoky gray fur with stunning yellow-green eyes. This little teenage cat was lying on its side with both arms extended as far as possible through the cage bars, pawing at my leg. I asked a shelter employee if I could see this mysterious cat up close and the cage was unlocked. I picked up the soft, limber kitty and cuddled him while he clutched onto my shoulders and immediately began kneading ("making biscuits", as I like to call it).

At first I thought this gray kitty was clutching me from fright but I quickly determined that he had chosen me to rescue him! It was very difficult to pry him from my sweatshirt and place him back in his dark, bottom-shelf cage, but I did so as I told my husband, "This is the cat we are meant to bring home."

I considered naming him 'Velcro' because of his clingy nature, but settled on 'Poppy' because he is the color of a Poppy seed and didn't seem much bigger than one, at the time. Was it love at first sight? Absolutely! For both of us! But I suspect Poppy would be quick to deny this publicly."

My manperson and ladyperson introduced me to a dog (a formerly homeless one, at that) and have determined that it shall be my new cohabitant. They even have a name for it: ‘Miss Ruby’!

Before I state my obvious objections, I hereby declare that I will not be addressing this creature as “Miss” ANYTHING unless it agrees to only address me as “Master Poppy D.”. Although surely this would be too many syllables for such a beast to utter coherently in one sentence.

As I monitor the objectionable behavior of this unwelcome house guest, I am compiling a list of grievances to forward to my Cattorney. So far, this black & brown intruder has committed the offenses listed below.

1) It llicked my chowchow bowl, which required the bowl to be instantly sanitized.
2) It placed its nose precariously close to several intimate locations on my person. I quickly exposed my freshly manicured claws to reiterate boundaries and it backed off.
3) It attempted to jump on my ladyperson’s bed as I rested atop the pillows. I did giggle (under my breath, of course) when the drooling thing jumped short and fell to the carpet.

I’d better stock up on notepads and pens because I see the potential for many, many grievances to be documented. Did I mention it eats sticks? STICKS, I tell you!

Nap time! Again .....

Mmmm .... Spaghetti!

I always sleep better after a delicious spaghetti dinner!

Lonely Kitty

https://www.etsy.com/listing/166979643/5x7-card-lonely-kitty-featuring-poppy-d?ref=cat_gallery_9

That's right... you can have me in your presence permanently!

Too much Turkey and Wine!!

I Have been Wronged. Again.

MeeeeeICan'tTakeMuchMoreoowwww! Would it kill this family to keep a can of Glade in the bathroom??!

I Guess It'll Do ....

Meeeee-ILIKEIT-owwww!

So, here we are! My manperson and ladyperson have chosen this to be our next home. While I remain slightly miffed that my input was not solicited throughout the selection process, I will concede that their choice will certainly meet the majority of my needs. It seems to have ample space allowing me to excuse myself from nonsensical family festivities to find a peaceful spot to rest.

I've already begun plans for my first pool party. At the top of the guest list: any feline lady friend who promises to show up in a flowered sarong with a hibiscus flower tucked behind her ear. There will be a fully-stocked bar complete with the finest of aperitifs and endless trays of gourmet treats. Naturally, this event will occur on a weekend that my manperson and ladyperson are away if I plan to keep it a classy affair.

One thing I am not so sure of: there seems to be an infinite number of fowl, insects, and other "critters" (as my ladyperson adoringly calls them …. Ugh) in the vicinity of our property. I'm not accustomed to this onslaught of wildlife sounds and if they continue to disturb my afternoon slumber I may have to contact the authorities.

For Sale?

Mrrrooowwww? There is a FOR SALE sign in front of my house and, while I am certainly overdue for upgraded living quarters, I am peeved that I’ve not yet been consulted about my future residence. On several occasions I’ve overheard my lady person reference ‘dream home’ this and ‘dream home’ that. Not to be outdone, my manperson will then chime in with his own ‘dream home’ wishes.

But has anyone bothered to ask me what my ‘dream home’ requires? Of course not! Therefore, I must have my cattorney issue my demands in formal fashion to those who intend to choose our next home without input from me.

For the record, my two primary requirements are:

- Windowsills that are at least 10” in width.

- Dining accommodations in at least 3 locations within the home (this may or may not be related to the need for 10” windowsills).

I’ve also heard murmurings that, after the move to our new home, a dog will be invited to join us. I fear my feline rights to a comfortable lifestyle are in dire jeopardy and I can’t wait to hear what my my cattorney has to say about that!

But Nobody Asked Me!!

Meee-SayItIsn’t-Soooww! There are subtle murmurings occurring around my house that are causing me tremendous concern: it seems my ladyperson and manperson are contemplating the acquisition of … it's so hard to say the word … {{Ugh}} A DOG!!

Did they not learn their lesson with their first attempt at trying to civilize a canine? It simply cannot be done! So why would anyone want to bring such a beast into their home? I can list on my paws and yours the many indiscretions a dog is inclined to partake of and I’ve yet to meet one who knows the first thing about commanding his people.

Cross your fingers that the conversations about a potential new housemate are simply more of the foolish ramblings my ladyperson and manperson are prone to spew forth. Stay tuned…

Whaaat?

You've never seen a cat sitting on a chair before??

♥ Purrrrrrrr, indeed! ♥

I don't know who this spectacular feline is but I MUST find her number! Does she know how to catch a gentleman's eye or what??!

As if There were any Question ...

"The best way to get on with any cat is to treat it as an equal, or the superior it knows itself to be."

~ Elizabeth Peters

A Sort-of Public Message

Meee-yikesitsgettinghot-oowww! Please indulge me as I make a small request on behalf of my pals who aren't as lucky as me to have the indoor conveniences that I enjoy.

It's that time of year when the sun is a raging fireball and rain is increasingly scant. For my cat buds who prefer to wing it alone and not be encumbered by manservants, the changing weather means it's increasingly more difficult for them to find a cool spot to rest and an even rarer find is clean water to refresh themselves with. So, would it hurt you to keep a bowl of fresh water outside on or around your property? Preferably in a shady spot? And while you're at it, how about sprinkling out a bit of fine kibble every now and then?

While I'm happily the first in line to enjoy a good leisurely stretch & roll on sun-warmed concrete, I have the luxury of cooling off afterward in air-conditioned comfort. So, while I pay a heavy price for my luxuries (ie the constant antagonizing from my manperson coupled with the incessant chatter of my ladyperson), I can't deny that my outside-dwelling counterparts pay a hefty price of their own.

So, do your part. After all, to quote the (obviously very wise) ladyperson Faith Resnick: "People that hate cats will come back as mice in their next life".

Getting Away(?)

Meeeee-they-have-no-idea-ooowwww! My manperson and ladyperson went off on another of their weekend jaunts that they refer to as 'getting away'. First of all, I'd like to know exactly WHAT they are pretending to 'get away' from. Their lives seem rather boring and uneventful and I am certain that tending to my needs is the only bright spot in their day.

Nonetheless, I appreciate their scheduled disappearances because it gives me a chance to entertain my own friends without interruption. And entertain I did! The bubbly flowed and the feline cuties danced their dainty paws off! Afterward, I saw to it that there remained no evidence of my revelry so as to not tip off they who pay the mortgage. Trust me: if my ladyperson knew of the festivities, she'd expect an invite for next time. And if my manperson knew, he'd expect financial restitution for the decreased levels in his liquor cabinet. Neither of these scenarios do I intend to endure.

But I did have a special way of welcoming them back home: with full knowledge that they would be returning at night and to a dark house, my cat buds and I rearranged the living room furniture. The giant plant stand moved to just inside the front door produced the most amusing reaction. (They are still finding bits of fern in the carpet!) Yes, now I understand why 'getting away' is so fun!

You call that 'Vodka'??

Meeeehiccuppoowww! Perhaps this was my manperson's idea of humor, but the beverage he graciously offered me a sip of turned out to be the most vulgar-tasting spirit ever to rest on my well-trained taste buds. He calls it "vodka". I call it "Ripple in a vodka bottle". I should have known he was a fan of the unrefined brands of adult beverage. And to think I used to keep my good liquors locked in a cabinet for fear he might attempt a sip .... I see there is no need to do so now. Obviously, after years of dining upon the gruel he calls "food" his taste buds are ruined beyond repair.

At least now I know where to go when one of my hard-living gutter cat friends shows up looking for a nightcap before resting his weary head. (They don't appreciate my fine liquors, either.)

Whew! Being a Cat can be Very Exhausting!

Meeeewhew!ooowww ... It is safe to say that you can not truly appreciate or begin to understand all of the work that goes into being a cat. Please indulge me while I detail for you just a few of my many workday duties:

* I must visit every pillow in the house at least twice to test its fluffiness.
* I'm obligated to remove any tasty remnants from dishes that might have been left in the sink from the night before.
* For security measures, I must spend at least 3 hours perched on the sunniest windowsill of the house to thwart off any potential break-ins from neighborhood birds.
* In must make certain I am visable through windows on the front side of the house to remind neighborhood dogs that they are outside in the cold and I am inside where it is warm.
* I meticulously bathe from eartip to the end of my tail: I'll start on my ladyperson's side of the bed, eventually migrating to the sofa. And I ALWAYS finish my bath in the manperson's Lazy-Boy recliner.
* I must empty my chowchow bowl and practice my weakest and most pitiful cry so I am ready to admonish my ladyperson the instant she walks in the door at 5:00.

So?! You think you could do it? I think not!!

Meeeeefreakinoowww!! I don't know what the deal is, but my manperson and ladyperson appear completely ignorant to the fact that it is C-O-L-D this time of year. How do I know? They refuse to increase the heat in the house! Either they are too 'economically challenged' to pay a higher heating bill or senility has finally crept in and they can no longer tell cold from warm. Regardless, IT IS COLD IN MY HOUSE!! You'd think my ladyperson would catch on since she awakens each moning to find me sleeping ON HER FACE. And one would think that wiping cat hairs from one's eyes each morning would be a tad bit annoying but - well, we are talking about MY cat hairs so ... never mind! I'm certain she feels lucky!

Happy Halloween, Kiddo's!

MeeeBOOooowww! Look, kids - I realize there will be oodles of you winding your way through my neighborhood on Halloween night in search of chocolates and other tasty delicacies. And eventually, one by one, each of you will end up at my residence. Regretably, I must inform you that my manperson and ladyperson will have already eaten the more delectable candies before you arrive. In fact, I suspect the only thing passed out at our home on Halloween night will be the two of them, with crumpled fun-size Snickers and Baby Ruth wrappers scattered about their feet. So if you still insist on showing up expecting treats for your little plastic jack-o-lanterns, don't say you weren't warned!

Meeeyummoowwww! Calm down .... I'm just visiting with the fishy my ladyperson calls "Catfood". He got his name because every time I visit the fishtank (just to say 'Hey' of course), Catfood rushes up to say 'Hey' back at me. My ladyperson thinks I'm planning to eat that fish but has she not noticed how small and slimy he is? Does she really think I'd ever entertain the thought of eating this commoner of a fish? Even if he were prepared with a crabmeat stuffing and sauteed in a lemon & garlic butter sauce, I simply would not consider dining upon him.

I'm sorry, but when I think of aquatic treats for dinner, this is NOT what I have in mind....!

---> I had an emergency today and there was nobody here to tend to me! A rescue was in order but neither my ladyperson or manperson showed up to help! The smelly brown dog was outside in her doghouse but she'd have been of no use anyway. Here's what happened: Upon arising from my mid-morning nap (I always snooze a bit after watching "Price is Right"), I was leisurely snacking on some kibble when I saw something I've NEVER seen before: the bottom of my chowchow bowl!! The horror!! I never even knew there WAS a bottom to my bowl! I was in such distress that by the time my ladyperson came home that evening, she felt the need to perform CPR on me. I panted and weakly rolled my eyes toward my chowchow bowl and she got the message. That bowl is FULL now and I suspect she'll keep it that way for a long, long time. Besides, I'm pretty sure nether one of us enjoyed the CPR very much. Eeeewwww!!

---> Once again, summer is fast approaching and ONCE AGAIN I must retrain my ladyperson and manperson on the art of climate control. When they leave our abode each morning for their meager jobs, they tend to either 1) have the air conditioner at a totally inappropriate level of warmth, or 2) leave windows opened just enough that the horrid chirping of the neighborhood birds interferes with the depth of my mid-morning nap. It is clearly evident that they have not retained any of the knowledge I tried to impart on them this time last year. Oh, why do I tolerate them at all? Why, I ask you?

---> Winter is winding down and the warmer weather is fast approaching. In fact, most afternoons now my house gets a wee bit toasty. But I'm okay with that since I'm usually napping in a windowsill anyway. However: I must draw the line about my waterbowl: it should NEVER reach a lukewarm temperature. My ladyeperson knows that I require ice in my water to help maintain my perky personality. This is just one more thing I have to constantly remind her of. I'm thinking that if she were truly conscientious, she'd use her lunch hour to stop by the house and refresh my water bowl with the cool liquid I crave. But, alas, she is still greatly lacking in what I like to call 'home-training'.

---> On occasion when my ladyperson is walking across the room or down the hall, I dart in front of her and entwine myself between her feet as is customary for cats to do. Well, she does NOT understand this bit of cat logic and has on more than one occasion dared to ALMOST step on me!! She is always quick to apologize but that is entirely inconsequential. She either needs to accept this bit of cat etiquette (aka: cats always have the right of way) or she needs to stay outside because I will NOT be getting stepped on. The very idea....

---> OK, picture this: I'm minding my own business, snoozing peacefully on my ladyperson's bed pillow (likely dreaming of grilled shrimp, buttered scallops or some other such delicacy) and my ladyperson spots me and assumes it's perfectly sane to cuddle me RIGHT THEN! Of course it wakes me from my slumber! Ugh! I give her the obligatory purr or two, knead her bedspread (she calls that 'making biscuits'... whatever) and she eventually moseys on about her business. Then I have to reacquaint myself with my dream and hope nobody ate my shrimp while I was gone.

---> I have overheard my ladyperson on more than one occasion tell other humans the story of how it came to be that I should share a home with her and the manperson. You see, I was resting at the local animal shelter (I was simply between gigs, ok?) when she and the manperson happened to be visiting. Well, to hear HER tell it, I am "one lucky kitty" because, as she says, SHE CHOSE ME. Excuse me?? First of all, I do the choosing around here and - more importantly - THEY are the lucky ones. I can't believe she continues to tell this story as if they've done me a favor by inviting me into their home. I chose them and, I reiterate: THEY ARE THE LUCKY ONES. Period.

---> Summer is officially here. And that means air conditioning (perhaps the greatest invention of the human race, although I still say a cat gave them the idea.) Anyway, my ladyperson has this obscene habit of turning the air conditioner thermostat UP when she leaves the house each morning. By 'UP', I mean she adjusts the temperature so that the house gets significantly warmer as the day progresses. Now she says it's all in the name of economy, but I have a better word and that word is "C-H-E-A-P". She knows I'm here all day ... how does she expect me to remain comfortable at 78 degrees? Hello?!? But that's ok: once I figured out what was happening, I simply started changing the thermostat to what I want as soon as she leaves. Of course, I change it back before she returns home in the evening. Aaaahhhh... sometimes it gets so nippy in here, I have to snuggle mid-day in her bedcovers! Too bad for the stupid brown dog that she stays outside in the backyard all day. But, oh well, we can't all be cats, now can we?!