My manperson and ladyperson introduced me to a dog (a formerly homeless one, at that) and have determined that it shall be my new cohabitant. They even have a name for it: ‘Miss Ruby’!

Before I state my obvious objections, I hereby declare that I will not be addressing this creature as “Miss” ANYTHING unless it agrees to only address me as “Master Poppy D.”. Although surely this would be too many syllables for such a beast to utter coherently in one sentence.

As I monitor the objectionable behavior of this unwelcome house guest, I am compiling a list of grievances to forward to my Cattorney. So far, this black & brown intruder has committed the offenses listed below.

1) It llicked my chowchow bowl, which required the bowl to be instantly sanitized.
2) It placed its nose precariously close to several intimate locations on my person. I quickly exposed my freshly manicured claws to reiterate boundaries and it backed off.
3) It attempted to jump on my ladyperson’s bed as I rested atop the pillows. I did giggle (under my breath, of course) when the drooling thing jumped short and fell to the carpet.

I’d better stock up on notepads and pens because I see the potential for many, many grievances to be documented. Did I mention it eats sticks? STICKS, I tell you!