I'm Minty Fresh and Ready for Action!

MeeeeI'mSoSmartoooww! As if simply being me was not effective enough, I've discovered yet another way to woo the female kitties: if I happen to 'casually' send some minty fresh breath their way, they are smitten beyond belief. This is especially effective poolside where there is always an ample supply of sunbathing kitties hungering for a refreshing breeze. One strategically targeted exhale and the bikini-adorned kitties are all mine!

x

Now if I can just get my ladyperson to open the sweet treats in advance for me. Although I'd probably have to teach her how (that double-twist action of the cellophane wrapper is likely way too complicated for her ... Geeez).

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall....

MeeeeYouKnowTheRestooowww!

A Warning for All of My Cat Buddies:

Meeeooooow, all! The video above is very disturbing. It confirms the dangers of humans with too much disk space on their digital cameras and (obviously!) not enough hobbies. Ugh. Watch at your own risk!

Don't You Just Love Concrete in Springtime?

Meee-I Love Spring!-oowww! Aaaah, finally, the concrete on my patio is warm enough to savor. I've been watching it all winter, just waiting for the day I could warm my luxurious coat on sun-toasted concrete. Now this is living! If I can just keep pesky birds off of my patio, everything will be just fine. Yes, life is good. It is very good.

I Can't Believe They Made Me Open My Own Gifts!

MeeeeHappyHolidaysoooww! I am almost at full-recovery mode after the excitement of the Holidays. Although I did spend an excessive amount of $$$ on Christmas gifts but American Express and I will settle up later. It's just so hard to resist those sparkly kitty eyes when they sing, "Oh please, oh please can I have the one with sapphires??" You know what I'm talking about.

Now I'm sure my ladyperson and manperson were very proud of themselves for going to all the trouble to purchase dime store treats for me then to burden themselves by tying dainty bows on my 'gifts'. I was ready to accept that they will never truly understand me and a mancat's needs but then, just when I thought it was all I could bear, my ladyperson chants, "Open it, Poppy! Open your present!"

OK, I admit that I did humor her by pretending to gnaw on her feeble attempt at giftwrap. But believe me, as soon as her back was turned I tossed those gifts outside for my outside cat pals and proceeded to enjoy the gifts my understanding fellow felines showered me with. Gifts that truly say 'I Love Ya, Dude': a cashmere neck scarf ... some Johnny Walker Blue Label ... yeah, I know you're feelin' me.

A Bit o'Cat History

Meeeooowww! Did you know that the only creature allowed in ancient Roman temples were cats? No smelly dogs. No noisy parakeets. No annoying fish. Just cats. My ancestors! Aaaahhhh, what a glorious life my predecessors must have led!

Sigh.

Happy Holidays, All!

MeeeeI'mSoFullowwww!! Note to Self: "Renew Health Club Membership." I certainly hope you & yours are celebrating this holiday season in whatever manner brings the most fun and the greatests memories. Peace to all!

OK, I'm Sorry Already!

MeeeI'mSoFreakinInDemandooww! I very truly apologize for my negligence in keeping the world up to date on my goings-on but, Whew! If only you knew the drama in my household! There is school and a wedding - yes, I said a wedding but do NOT fear: the wedding is not mine so I am very much still on the market. But everyone is after me for advice and guidance! Whatever would my ladyperson do without me??! I shudder to think of the destruction this household might fall victim to. Ugh...!

x

I could say I've been working like a dog but, well, you know that is NOT my style. I must get thru this current round of tasks and then, surely then, I shall get back to the business of relaxing and being me and, more importantly, keeping you up-to-date on my happenings. After all, isn't that what you crave? Yeah, that's what I thought.

Stop the Insanity!!

Meeee-notmeantforsensitiveeyes-oowww! Someone MUST put an end to the constant harrassment of cats by hideous dogs! This is totally crossing the line. Therefore, I am hereby officially announcing my candidacy for World President of all things Feline.

x

We can not let this abuse continue. I implore all of my cat brethren to UNITE and BE STRONG! Together, we can do this!!

I Showed Her: I Will NOT Tolerate Unfresh ChowChow ~

Meeeooowwww! I do hope your Summer vacation is going well! I've been extremely busy: it seems that everybody has chosen to include me in their Summer festivities. I so wish that dear Paris Hilton would get over me and move on ... she's a cutie but she's simply not my type.

x

Anyhow, my ladyperson and manperson took a mini-vacation of their own and they got this crazy idea that it would be perfectly acceptable to leave me with one humongous bowl of chowchow whilst they were away.

x

First of all, I am apalled that they did not hire staff to tend to me in their absence. Secondly, what's with the day-old chowchow? Excuse me? But this problem was easily solved. Are you familiar with a hunger strike? Upon return from her 3-day vacation (camping in the mountains? Ugh...), my ladyperson was so alarmed by my refusal to dine from that massive pile of chowchow that she promptly disposed of the stale kibbles and placed in my dinner bowl the perfect amount of delectable fresh chow and she now carefully monitors and refills my dish only when necessary.

x

Little does she know that I truly did have ample treats to choose from in her absence: the party I held while they were vacationing was fully-catered so I had plenty of delectable items to keep me well-nourished. And speaking of well-nourished, you should have seen the fiesty kitty servers the caterer sent along to serve my guests. Well-nourished, indeed, if ya know what I mean (wink! wink!)

Just Checking In...

Meee-howzitgoin-ooww? I do hope you are enjoying your summer holiday as much as I am.

x

Whew! It's barely August and I've visited the coast twice, been on a Jamaican cruise (I certainly hope those photos never surface...), and I fear I have shattered more female kitty hearts than I can count on two paws. But, hey! That's simply how I roll ~

x

All of that, yet, the summer is young and smoldering hot ... as am I!

I Heard Them Talking About Me....

Meeee-whydoiputupwiththem-oowww??

x

It was a lovely, sunny afternoon today in my backyard. Warm and toasty yet a deliciously refreshing breeze wafted through. My ladyperson and manperson were taking advantage of the nice afternoon, as well, while they lounged in their lawn chairs with icy beverages.

x

Whilst I reclined in the soft grass, several HUGE bluejays gathered in the tree branches above me. Needless to say, I found them quite annoying. Enough so that eventually, I was forced to vacate my spot in the sun and retreat into the garden. Not to hide from the hideous birds but simply to avoid their senseless chattering.

x

And that's when I heard my manperson say, "C'mon, Rambo Kitty: catch the birds and eat em!!" He is so out of touch. The only pheasant I have ever dined upon were presented to me under glass.

x

Remind me again: why do I put up with these ... persons?? Ugh.

Taking Applications for a Housekeeper...

Meeee-idonotpickuptoys-oowww! This afternoon, I was headed for a sunny napping spot after playing with the cat toys in my toybasket when my ladyperson insisted that I PICK UP MY TOYS! Yes, she really did. Where does she get this stuff? I do not do housework of any sort. And the worst part is: I know that my playful episodes with my toys brings her great amusement, as well. She goes on and on saying things like, "Look how cute he is! He's so sweeeeet!" So why does she think I should pick up my toys after play?

x

See the photo on the bottom? That's me walking away! And do you see the toys still remaining on the carpet? Well, that's for her to take care of. It is a small price for her to pay, after all, for the entertainment I provide this family. She'll figure it out eventually. Maybe. Sigh.

I Already MIss My New Best Friend!

Meeewheredidshego?oowww!! We had visitors this past weekend at our home and one of those visitors instantly earned status as my new all-time best friend. My ladyperson and manperson have referred to her as their daughter-in-law so I guess that makes us family, but most importantly, she's my new best friend!

x

She was so kind to me and I could tell she really understood my needs: the ear-scratchings and back-rubbings she administered while we watched television together were absolutely divine! And she'd watch over me in my backyard as long as it took for me to erradicate all birds and insects from the premises.

x

She came to visit us from far way (Colorado, in fact) and I overheard that she's the ladyperson of two rowdy dogs. I'm thinking that if I play my cards right, maybe she'll see fit to let me visit her abode on occasion. I always have had a penchant for mountain-climbing and skiing and Colorado is ripe with both.

x

Of course I could never completely abandon my own ladyperson and manperson (I'm quite certain they could not function in society without my guidance) but perhaps I can talk my new best friend into sending her rowdy Jack Russell Terriers off to doggie summer camp while a not-so-rowdy smoky-haired cat with oodles of personality and finesse visits for a spell....

Whew! No More Homework!!

MeeeeNoMoreAlgebraooww! My ladyperson has been attending night school and for reasons unknown to me, she has seemed quite fretful over her chances of succeeding in her Algebra class. And as you can see, I was doing most of her homework. I even had to teach her how to use a scientific calculator but I'm too embarrassed (for her) to provide further details. Anyhow, we made a deal early on in the semester: I help her with her Algebra homework and she keeps me stocked in tasty cat treats and catnip. What more can I ask for? Of course, the Algebra was a cinch for me but she doesn't need to know that, now does she? Mmmmm ... cat treats...!

Finally ... Spring!!

MeeeHappySpringooowww! Once again, the beginning of Spring brings about many changes in my duties as a cat. For example, it is now my responsibility to ensure that my ladyperson opens wide all of the drapes and blinds in our home before leaving for work each morning. This ensures that no matter which windowsill I choose to rest on throughout the day, I’m guaranteed a non-stop supply of sunshine.

x

A simple enough task, No? But she pretends to scurry about the house in her morning rush, as if she were jetting off to an engagement more important than tending to my needs. That is simply absurd. As a result of her silliness, I am forced to remind her of her duty while she prepares herself for her day. Surely you will agree that it is entirely her fault if I resort to the tactic of entwining myself between her feet as she walks out the door with her full cup of hot, steaming coffee. Hey – all I’m looking for is some sunshine.

x

Also during this time of year, I begin to build a rapport with the neighborhood birds. This is a very important step in my long-term plan to rid my yard and surrounding property of these disgustingly happy creatures. Why are these feathered animals forever singing? My manperson and ladyperson are entertained by the bird sounds but I find it all quite a bore. This, too, requires great concentration and patience on my part.

x

I do enjoy the arrival of Spring, even with these added responsibilities. I honestly do appreciate the new flowers that decorate my yard. But even more importantly: Springtime brings the freshest, most delectable shrimp and trout to my favorite restaurant. And that, my friends, makes all of my hard work well worth the bother.

Why is it That the Smallest People Are Also the Stickiest?

Meeee-whoaretheselittlepeopleanyway-ooowww! We had visitors at our home this afternoon and I believe my ladyperson referred to them as the grandpersons, or something like that. They are quite small in stature, yet are capable of making a tremendous amount of noise. And the most incredible part of all is that they seem blessed with the stickiest of hands. That must be a grandperson thing. There are four of them and my only option was to bound high up into a tree in my own backyard to escape their sticky little paws. Errr ... I mean hands.

x

The most amusing part of the entire afternoon was their incessant attempt to "rescue" me from my perch in my tree. The sticky little people seemed to think I was stranded against my will. Hardly so! While I was entirely capable of reclaiming my ground-level territory, I was in no hurry to subject myself to the clutches of their itty-bitty, candy-coated hands.

x

I was forced to occupy the tree for quite some time but easily scurried down when the grandpersons retired to their own residence. Whew! I must remember to be more attentive so the next time I hear my ladyperson squeal with delight because the sticky little grandpersons are coming to visit, I'll know to hide in a more secure location. For all of you out there who may not have been subjected to the sticky little people yet: you've been warned!

Things That Make Me Smile....

Mee-yaaaawwwnn-ooww. As part of my whole ‘New Year, New Me’ (well, enhanced Me), I thought I’d be nice and call attention to some of things that make me smile. I’m speaking of things that give me that same warm & cozy feeling that I give everyone else.

X

On the occasional evening that my ladyperson desires a snack, she will partake of a dish of dried cereal with milk. This choice of snack appears to have something to do with her intent to remain a healthy ladyperson. All that’s fine and well, but the most pleasing part of this ritual is this: while she enjoys her cereal snack she allows me to rest cozily on her lap. And when she is finished with the cereal part of her snack, she offers the remaining milk in her bowl to me. The milk is always just a tad bit sweetened from the flavor of her cereal and is quite delicious. Afterward, I stretch a bit … I bathe alot … and then I peacefully snooze with a bellyful of that creamy goodness.

X

I’ll wait until another day to discuss with her the cereal flavor choices she’s making: surely she realizes that not EVERY flavor of cereal has the proper effect on the taste of the accompanying milk. But, yaawwwnnnn …. we’ll save that for another day….

Know What This is?

MeeeI'mLosingMyPatienceoowww! This is yours truly, waiting for my turn to use the PC. There are times that I've acually fallen asleep waiting my turn. It's absurd, I tell you!

X

You see, my ladyperson has taken it upon herself to begin some sort of schooling and she is forever occupying the home office. You should see her sitting at the PC muttering, "If 9-4x=8x, then what the heck does x mean??" And it takes everything I have not to just jump in and give her the answers just so she'll be done with it and I can reclaim my space at the keyboard (Algebra always was one of my stronger subjects.)

X

Sure, if I see her struggling too hard I'll offer to tutor her but I suspect she'll eventually catch on. I just hope it's sooner than later: I am behind not only on my blogging, but also on my internet shopping. Yes, things are going to have to change around here very soon, I tell you....

They've Already Made Me Break My First New Year's Resolution

Meee-thatdidn'ttakelong-oowww! I should have known. You see, one of my New Year's Resolutions was to TRY to be more tolerant of my manperson and ladyperson this year. But thanks to them, that one is down the tubes already. And it wasn't even technically 2007 yet when they messed it all up! You see, it started with Christmas day when they invited all of these other people over to my house for celebration. They even welcomed those tiny people referred to as the "grandkids". (By the way: I've come to learn that tiny people are as annoying as regular-sized people ... perhaps even more so because they sit lower to the ground and do not think twice before grabbing at my ear or such as I dodge past them.)

x

Anyhow, there was food and drink galore for the big people and little people alike but not once, not ONCE I tell you, was I invited to the dinner table. Then, for New Year's Eve I specifically requested my own bottle of fine champagne but did they purchase it for me? Well of course not! Fortunately I had a back-up plan and some of my kitty-friends (of the female persuasion, thank you very much) showed up with champagne and party favors. So fun was had by all, but with no thanks to my manperson and ladyperson.

x

I knew this would be a tough Resolution to keep but I thought maybe, just maybe, they'd have finally learned proper Catiquette. Of course I should have known better.