Never Underestimate the Fortitude of a Cat!


MeeeeItoldyousooowww! Look very closely at the photo above …. No doubt you’ll first notice the 600-pound black bear at the top of the tree. But if you draw your sight downward, you’ll see exactly what prompted this bear’s rapid ascent. Meet Jack: the proud, 15-pound orange Tabby that is determined to keep this bear – or any other varmint, mind you – off of his property!
x
As the black bear clamored up the tree trunk for safety, Jack patiently waited for him to dare to return to the ground. The bear did try, once, and Jack chased him hissing and spitting up a second tree.
x
Eventually, Jack grew bored with this imbecile bear and moseyed on to more important matters, which gave the bear his opportunity to escape into neighboring woods.
x
So anybody who dares to declare a cat less-effective as a guardian than a smelly hound obviously doesn’t know Jack!

67% of Pet Owners Claim to Understand Pet Woofs & Meows ... ??

Meeethisistoofunnyooww! I was catching up on my reading when this amusing little news story caught my eye: "67 Percent of Owners Claim to Understand Pet Woofs & Meows". I laughed so hard I nearly spilled my cinnamon caffe latte!! Once again, the persons of the world are desperate to believe that maybe - just maybe - they can communicate with the felines among them. While there is no question that they can communicate with dogs (how difficult could it be to comprehend dog-speak when "Woof!" can only mean, "I'm hungry" or "I want to go outside"?), cat-speak is at an entirely different level of communication.
x
The article does help me to understand better why my manperson and ladyperson insist on engaging me in mundane conversations: they truly believe I'm listening! Actually, SHE more than HE: my ladyperson can go on and on and on to me about events in her own life that, quite frankly, are of zero interest to me. However, I have learned that if I reward her with a seemingly interested wide-eyed gaze and I utter a few syllables, she is satisfied and generally moves on.
x
---> On a serious note, one extremely alarming portion of the news story pertains to a new trend of persons buying fewer Christmas gifts for their pets. My own manperson and ladyperson best not even consider such antics, as they are already alarmingly inept in their gift-giving skills.
x
For your amusement, here are the highlights of the news story:
x
"Sixty-seven percent of pet owners say they understand their animals' woofs, meows or other sounds, saying they comprehend completely. Sixty-two percent of pet owners say that when they speak, their critter gets the message. The high level of communication is but one way the poll highlights the bond between many owners and their pets.
x
More women than men say they and their pets understand each other's verbal stabs at communication. , Molly Thibodeau of Fort Riley, Kansas, said her two cats understand her so completely that if she wants to shoo them off furniture, "I point at them and they get right down." On the flip side, men are twice as likely as women to say they and their pets are clueless about what each is saying to the other. "It's kind of like, 'What are you doing?'" Edwin Oto, of Moraga, California, says of his futile efforts to figure out what his dog wants when she keeps barking after he lets her into the house.
x
When it comes to communicating in the other direction, cat owners do better. Twenty-five percent of them say they completely understand their cats' meows, compared with 16 percent of dog owners who claim to be totally fluent in barks. But Jane Starring, 48, of Barrington, R.I., says she and her family are confounded by their 8-year-old cat, Flannel, who often chases people about the house meowing. "We're not sure we're making much progress understanding him," said Starring. "I don't know what his point is."
x
William Miller, a professor of veterinary medicine and medical director of Cornell University's Companion Animal Hospital, says it's not unusual for many owners and pets to understand some of each other's speech. He said animals and people learn to communicate verbally by over time associating certain sounds with actions, such as a particular bark when a dog wishes to go outside or the soothing tone many people use when petting their cat.
x
With many households having more than one pet, 74 percent of all pet owners have a dog and 46 percent have a cat, according to the poll. Men and women were about equally likely to own either kind of animal. Twelve percent of pet owners have fish, 7 percent have birds, and 2 percent or fewer have horses, rabbits, rodents, turtles, lizards or other pets.
x
---> Fifteen percent of all owners said they have scaled back spending for their pets in the past year. Of the group that is cutting back, seventy-one percent say they've thought about buying fewer toys or clothes, while 60 percent cite switching to less costly pet food. Even so, 43 percent of owners said they would buy holiday gifts for their pets, compared with 46 percent who said they had done so last year."

The Enemy has Arrived!!




Meee-theywillpay!-oowww! Do you recall my previous report regarding the canine expected to spend the holidays at my home, per an unapproved-by-me agreement between my ladyperson and an acquaintance? You will NOT believe what has since occurred...
x
On what started as a pleasant day, I arose from my late-afternoon nap (the one I take after watching ‘Jeopardy’) and proceeded to the front door to meet my ladyperson as she returned home from her workplace. Normally at such time and after an authoritative nudge from me, she tends to my food and drink needs. However on this occasion, I could hear much commotion in the garage from where my ladyperson was and I detected the scent that no cat should ever be forced to incur: D-O-G!! Even worse yet, she dared to be so bold as to bring the creature into my home without my permission. She used the flimsy excuse of thinking it would be a good idea if the horrid beast and I became acquainted prior to the impending Christmas visit.
x
As you can imagine, my evening plans of relaxing while watching my favorite Animal Planet television show “It’s Me or the Dog” were instantly shattered. That infantile creature pursued me unashamedly, even when I escaped to the sanctity of my own backyard.
x
And so I was reminded – once again – that my ladyperson and manperson cannot be trusted and are simply here to insert discomfort into my otherwise calm existence. But not to worry: while the smelly beast was confined to the bizarre portable dwelling that his own manperson provided for this ‘visit’, I reminded him in my own not-so-subtle nature that this was indeed my home and under no circumstances will he be allowed to return.
x
If he’s a smart dog (<--- quite the oxymoron, eh?), he will advise his own manperson that he prefers to stay home for the holidays. I will keep you posted….

Say It Isn't So!

Meeeoowwchh!! Generally, I tune out any bits of conversation between my ladyperson and manperson because quite frankly, they rarely have anything to say that: #1) I find interesting or #2) I don't already know. Until this evening, that is ...
x
I would like to think I was merely dreaming or otherwise distracted but I believe my ladyperson mentioned a house guest for the Christmas holidays. Normally I would be thrilled because obviously this would mean extra gifts for me. But it seems that the 'guest' she was referring to is, oh, how it pains me to say this ... a dog! She went on and on and on about how cute the dog is and how friendly and playful and smart he is. Blah, blah, blah. So this is what happens when I let my guard down? I foolishly gave them credit for understanding the primary rule of our residence: I make all of the rules of the house!
x
Apparently, an acquaintance of theirs is the manperson of said canine and intends to travel a great distance during the holidays. Since dogs know nothing about travel other than how to get from bed to dinner bowl, to water bowl, outside for a stretch and bark, then back to bed, it is obvious that the dog can not accompany him. And so begins my current mission.
x
I must improve my attentiveness and gather every bit of information about this creature who thinks he will be vacationing in my home. Of course, my manperson and ladyperson can not know of the investigation I am launching that will include 24-hour surveillance on them and their conversations. I must learn all I can about this canine, particularly his weaknesses. Although surely that list would be never-ending and thereby take entirely too much energy to produce. He is a just a dog, after all.

Today's Complaint: The Ceiling Fans are Drying out my Contact Lenses!

MeeeeI'veHadEnoughooooww! Just because it's summer and the temperature outside is a sweltering 98 degrees, MUST every room in my home be victimized by a ceiling fan whirling at top speed? I've already lodged a complaint about my ladyperson not keeping the indoor climate of my home at a temperature appropriate for a luxuriously fur-coated specimen such as myself. I suppose in her quest to appease me, she assumed helicopter-speed ceiling fans would make all the difference. Guess what? She's wrong!!
x
The whirlwinds created by the spinning fans prompt my contact lenses to dry a bit and I fear I might lose some of my effectiveness as windowsill decor (squinting is not a good look for any cat.) But I will be the mature one and accept this inconvenience as yet another challenge in my mission to educate the persons I live with. Perhaps I can purchase them a book on the subject? No, wait: I don't have the time to read it to them. Sigh.

You CAN Teach an Old Ladyperson New Tricks!

Meeeyummyoowww! I can't believe it, but I may - I said may - have finally trained my ladyperson one more lesson in how to properly tend to a cat. Granted, we are moving in babysteps, but this is big.
x
You see, she used to find it acceptable to feed me kitty treats by (it pains me to say this ...) tossing them on the carpet. But I devised a plan to 'coach' her into showing some manners: I'd hold a kibble in my mouth, allow it to absorb a sufficient amount of saliva, then place the moist snack on her bed pillow. After waaay too many kibbles were wasted this way, she has accepted that the only proper way to feed me kitty snacks is from the palm of her hand. I nibble, I crunch, and it's gone. Just like that ... No more carpet fuzz on my tongue!!
x
Maybe there is hope for my ladyperson and manperson after all! Well, maybe not my manperson: I fear that one may be untrainable. In fact, I'm certain he's got some canine in him. Ugh.

I'm Minty Fresh and Ready for Action!

MeeeeI'mSoSmartoooww! As if simply being me was not effective enough, I've discovered yet another way to woo the female kitties: if I happen to 'casually' send some minty fresh breath their way, they are smitten beyond belief. This is especially effective poolside where there is always an ample supply of sunbathing kitties hungering for a refreshing breeze. One strategically targeted exhale and the bikini-adorned kitties are all mine!
x
Now if I can just get my ladyperson to open the sweet treats in advance for me. Although I'd probably have to teach her how (that double-twist action of the cellophane wrapper is likely way too complicated for her ... Geeez).

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall....

MeeeeYouKnowTheRestooowww!

A Warning for All of My Cat Buddies:

Meeeooooow, all! The video above is very disturbing. It confirms the dangers of humans with too much disk space on their digital cameras and (obviously!) not enough hobbies. Ugh. Watch at your own risk!

Don't You Just Love Concrete in Springtime?


Meee-I Love Spring!-oowww! Aaaah, finally, the concrete on my patio is warm enough to savor. I've been watching it all winter, just waiting for the day I could warm my luxurious coat on sun-toasted concrete. Now this is living! If I can just keep pesky birds off of my patio, everything will be just fine. Yes, life is good. It is very good.

I Can't Believe They Made Me Open My Own Gifts!

MeeeeHappyHolidaysoooww! I am almost at full-recovery mode after the excitement of the Holidays. Although I did spend an excessive amount of $$$ on Christmas gifts but American Express and I will settle up later. It's just so hard to resist those sparkly kitty eyes when they sing, "Oh please, oh please can I have the one with sapphires??" You know what I'm talking about.

Now I'm sure my ladyperson and manperson were very proud of themselves for going to all the trouble to purchase dime store treats for me then to burden themselves by tying dainty bows on my 'gifts'. I was ready to accept that they will never truly understand me and a mancat's needs but then, just when I thought it was all I could bear, my ladyperson chants, "Open it, Poppy! Open your present!"

OK, I admit that I did humor her by pretending to gnaw on her feeble attempt at giftwrap. But believe me, as soon as her back was turned I tossed those gifts outside for my outside cat pals and proceeded to enjoy the gifts my understanding fellow felines showered me with. Gifts that truly say 'I Love Ya, Dude': a cashmere neck scarf ... some Johnny Walker Blue Label ... yeah, I know you're feelin' me.

A Bit o'Cat History

Meeeooowww! Did you know that the only creature allowed in ancient Roman temples were cats? No smelly dogs. No noisy parakeets. No annoying fish. Just cats. My ancestors! Aaaahhhh, what a glorious life my predecessors must have led!

Sigh.

Happy Holidays, All!

MeeeeI'mSoFullowwww!! Note to Self: "Renew Health Club Membership." I certainly hope you & yours are celebrating this holiday season in whatever manner brings the most fun and the greatests memories. Peace to all!

OK, I'm Sorry Already!

MeeeI'mSoFreakinInDemandooww! I very truly apologize for my negligence in keeping the world up to date on my goings-on but, Whew! If only you knew the drama in my household! There is school and a wedding - yes, I said a wedding but do NOT fear: the wedding is not mine so I am very much still on the market. But everyone is after me for advice and guidance! Whatever would my ladyperson do without me??! I shudder to think of the destruction this household might fall victim to. Ugh...!
x
I could say I've been working like a dog but, well, you know that is NOT my style. I must get thru this current round of tasks and then, surely then, I shall get back to the business of relaxing and being me and, more importantly, keeping you up-to-date on my happenings. After all, isn't that what you crave? Yeah, that's what I thought.

Stop the Insanity!!

Meeee-notmeantforsensitiveeyes-oowww! Someone MUST put an end to the constant harrassment of cats by hideous dogs! This is totally crossing the line. Therefore, I am hereby officially announcing my candidacy for World President of all things Feline.
x
We can not let this abuse continue. I implore all of my cat brethren to UNITE and BE STRONG! Together, we can do this!!

I Showed Her: I Will NOT Tolerate Unfresh ChowChow ~

Meeeooowwww! I do hope your Summer vacation is going well! I've been extremely busy: it seems that everybody has chosen to include me in their Summer festivities. I so wish that dear Paris Hilton would get over me and move on ... she's a cutie but she's simply not my type.
x
Anyhow, my ladyperson and manperson took a mini-vacation of their own and they got this crazy idea that it would be perfectly acceptable to leave me with one humongous bowl of chowchow whilst they were away.
x
First of all, I am apalled that they did not hire staff to tend to me in their absence. Secondly, what's with the day-old chowchow? Excuse me? But this problem was easily solved. Are you familiar with a hunger strike? Upon return from her 3-day vacation (camping in the mountains? Ugh...), my ladyperson was so alarmed by my refusal to dine from that massive pile of chowchow that she promptly disposed of the stale kibbles and placed in my dinner bowl the perfect amount of delectable fresh chow and she now carefully monitors and refills my dish only when necessary.
x
Little does she know that I truly did have ample treats to choose from in her absence: the party I held while they were vacationing was fully-catered so I had plenty of delectable items to keep me well-nourished. And speaking of well-nourished, you should have seen the fiesty kitty servers the caterer sent along to serve my guests. Well-nourished, indeed, if ya know what I mean (wink! wink!)

Just Checking In...

Meee-howzitgoin-ooww? I do hope you are enjoying your summer holiday as much as I am.
x
Whew! It's barely August and I've visited the coast twice, been on a Jamaican cruise (I certainly hope those photos never surface...), and I fear I have shattered more female kitty hearts than I can count on two paws. But, hey! That's simply how I roll ~
x
All of that, yet, the summer is young and smoldering hot ... as am I!

I Heard Them Talking About Me....

Meeee-whydoiputupwiththem-oowww??
x
It was a lovely, sunny afternoon today in my backyard. Warm and toasty yet a deliciously refreshing breeze wafted through. My ladyperson and manperson were taking advantage of the nice afternoon, as well, while they lounged in their lawn chairs with icy beverages.
x
Whilst I reclined in the soft grass, several HUGE bluejays gathered in the tree branches above me. Needless to say, I found them quite annoying. Enough so that eventually, I was forced to vacate my spot in the sun and retreat into the garden. Not to hide from the hideous birds but simply to avoid their senseless chattering.
x
And that's when I heard my manperson say, "C'mon, Rambo Kitty: catch the birds and eat em!!" He is so out of touch. The only pheasant I have ever dined upon were presented to me under glass.
x
Remind me again: why do I put up with these ... persons?? Ugh.

Taking Applications for a Housekeeper...

Meeee-idonotpickuptoys-oowww! This afternoon, I was headed for a sunny napping spot after playing with the cat toys in my toybasket when my ladyperson insisted that I PICK UP MY TOYS! Yes, she really did. Where does she get this stuff? I do not do housework of any sort. And the worst part is: I know that my playful episodes with my toys brings her great amusement, as well. She goes on and on saying things like, "Look how cute he is! He's so sweeeeet!" So why does she think I should pick up my toys after play?
x
See the photo on the bottom? That's me walking away! And do you see the toys still remaining on the carpet? Well, that's for her to take care of. It is a small price for her to pay, after all, for the entertainment I provide this family. She'll figure it out eventually. Maybe. Sigh.