TRICK OR TREAT, KIDS!! >^..^<

MeeeeeBOOooww!! Look, kids ... I know there will be tons of you winding your way through the streets of my neighborhood on Halloween night and eventually each of you will end up at my house looking for goodies. Well I can tell you right now: my manperson and ladyperson will have eaten all of the good candies before you get here. Don't think you'll be getting Snickers or M&M's at my house. No Sir! I suspect the only thing left for them to pass out on Halloween night will be some sticky peanut butter kiss things (if you're lucky!) or some stale candy left over from LAST YEAR! So if I were you, I wouldn't bother stopping by. Besides, as soon as things quiet down at my house and my manperson & lady person retire for the evening, my pals are dropping by for a little Halloween party of our own. I've already conned the stupid brown dog into being the valet parking attendant ... what a dolt! Happy Halloween, all!!

Don't You Wish You Were Me?

MeeeeeI'msobeautifullllooowww! Gosh. Just look at me! Even standing on top of a ladder in front of a window: I'm spectacular, I must say!

Who's the Wiseguy that put Peanut Butter in My ChowChow??

Meeepffffoooww! I cannot believe that SOMEBODY had the nerve to put peanut butter in my chowchow bowl. There I was, enjoying a quick afternoon snack when suddenly my mouth stopped cooperating! My tongue behaved as though it were cemented to the roof of my mouth. I'd never experienced such a thing.

But you know who I think it was? My manperson. In fact, if I were a gambling cat I'd bet all of the stupid brown dog's food and her outside house that my manperson was behind this. Can't you just see that smelly dog spurning him on? "C'mon .... do it! Put big giant globs in there! Maybe this will keep his big ol' cat mouth shut!"

They are sooooo silly. For when a cat seeks revenge, all but the cat become losers. He He He ...

Don't You Just Love Autumn?

Meeeemmmmmooww! Is it just me or is Autumn the very best time of year? The air is fresh and clean and there's that awesome 'crunch' when you walk on fallen leaves .... But perhaps the most special part of this time of year is that my ladyperson is now inclined to prop the backdoor open (just for me, thank you) and I am free to meander outside into our giant backyard and explore at my whim. Sometimes I climb the tree just to see what our neighbors are up to. There are 3 huge, despicable dogs of northern descent living on one side of the fence and I like to keep an eye on them because as you know, no dog can be trusted regardless of his ancestry.

Sometimes my kittenish nature gets the best of me and I'll bounce around to catch the falling leaves before they hit the ground. My ladyperson calls that "Poppy's Harvest Dance" {{whatever...}} and, as corny as that is, I humor her just so she'll keep propping that backdoor open for me.

But sometimes I just lie in the soft cool grass hiding amongst the long shadows. I do have to share my backyard with the stupid brown dog, but she knows better than to disturb me when I'm resting. I'd like to see HER try a Harvest Dance ... Well, maybe not!

Yes, It's a Real Cat!

Meee-everybodyhasapurpose-ooww!! Ladies and Gentlemen, may I introduce to you my nephew: 'Royal'. I know he's an odd-looking creature but he is a cat, none-the-less. His ladyperson rescued him just in the nick of time after his mother (a feline of questionable character, I'm afraid) had decided to make a construction site 'home' for her new babies. So now he's got his own ladyperson and manperson to look after him and I know they'll nurture him into being everything a proper cat should be (and vice versa of course). However, I'll have to agree with you if you say he is one peculiar-looking critter. But, hey -- that's my boy Royal!!

S.B.D. (Stupid Brown Dog) & I Have a New Game

Meeeyouaregettingverysleepyooww! I've invented a new game that I simply love to play with the stupid brown dog. The greatest part of this game is that she gets in trouble every time we play so that means I always win! It goes like this: when she's lying in her disgusting little dog bed on the floor, I perch myself on the arm of the sofa and I glare down at her. I give her my eeriest jungle cat stare. At first she tries to ignore me. She'll look away a few times, turning back only to be suckered in again by my hypnotic gaze. Sometimes she'll burrow her face in her smelly bedcovers trying to escape my powers, but from the corner of her eye she sees me still there. Finally, she'll get so antsy and out-of-sorts that she'll bare her crusty, orange teeth and growl at me. Of course, her grumbling prompts my ladyperson to wag her finger and call her a "mean doggie" and thus the stupid brown dog is reprimanded for being unsociable.

I've decided that if I am to be forced to share my abode with this canine being, I might as well get some entertainment out of it. I've said it before and I'll say it again: "Let the games begin!"

Cats Do Not Eat Pesto But a Stupid Brown Dog Will Eat Anything ...

Meeeickoowwww! Ugh. I've just tried my first taste o' pesto ... Ick! Can you feel my misery?! I just can not believe my manperson had the audacity to lure me into a pesto-tasting. He was just beginning his dinner and he offered me (well, okay ... maybe I just TOOK) some of the pesto-tossed pasta from his plate. Of course, the pesto pasta was plated next to a sizzling, freshly grilled Porterhouse steak so I don't know why he'd think I would be interested in the pesto. Anyway, I tried the pesto and may I say here, right now: it's absolutely disgusting and no self-respecting cat would ever imbibe of something so ... green! But I did, however, guilt him into sharing his Porterhouse with me so after I recovered from the pesto-tasting incident, my tummy was alllll better. But get this: after I'd filled up on the delectable perfectly cooked steak (medium-rare, of course), he offered his plate up to the stupid brown dog and she was thrilled to slop up the remnants of his pesto! Ha! Dogs. Who needs them? And who needs pesto? Not I, that's for sure.

I Am The Champion!

Meeeyeeehawooww!! Ladies and Gents: you are looking at the world's newest Bocci Ball Champion. I did it! And this is not an easy sport for someone who moves as close to the ground as I do. But, once again, my athletic prowess and my ability to outsmart ANY opponent has brought me success. All of my bro's were over for a party to celebrate the fact that football is FINALLY on TV again and we ended up in the backyard for some music, Bocci Ball and a wee bit o' the finest scotch I ever wet my whiskers with. I don't know if it was my elation about the start of football season, the richness of the scotch, or the relaxing sunshine but my Bocci Ball techniques were spot on. But then, I was greatly inspired by our audience. Have you ever seen a dainty silver Tabby in a cheerleader outfit? How about a frisky Siamese with pom poms? I rest my case.

Meet My Cousin: Potato Salad

Meee-aloha-ooww! I’ve finally met my cousin, Potato Salad. Yes, that’s really his name. And as you can see, he even has his name monogrammed on his bed. (I’d like to know why my Manperson and Ladyperson haven’t done that for me but we’ll save that argument for another day.)

He resides on the exotic island of Oahu and while he has lived there his entire life, he actually considers himself a good ol’ Southern boy. Hence, he’s a firecracker rolled up into a wild-eyed, snaggle-toothed mass of black fur just itching to explode. Nobody really knows how old cousin 'Tater is, including him. Well, I'm sure he knew once but that was waaaay back before he took a liking to the Gin & Tonic with the twist o’ lime.

We are definitely having some grand times right now during his visit and he’s invited me to vacation with him on his island ('the Rock', as he calls it). I certainly do intend to visit him in his tropical paradise: I’ll be one of those cats you see in the travel brochures reclining on a chaise on the sunny sands of Waikiki with a sweet little kitty hula-ing her way toward me as she delivers my tasty beverage in a coconut shell….. Aaaahhhhh …. I can't wait!!

Does Anyone Have the Number for Catnipaholics Anonymous?

Meeeohmyachingheadooww!! OK ... don't ask any questions. Just somebody give me the number to Catnipaholics Anonymous, please. I think I need help. And isn't that what they say is the first step: admitting there's a problem? Well, the problem is that my ladyperson keeps giving me this catnip stuff! She sprinkles it on my scratching pad ... she gives me a little pouch full of it ... she thinks it's funny. I NEED SOMEBODY TO STOP HER FROM FEEDING ME THIS STUFF!!! Perhaps I really need CatnipSuppliersaholics Anonymous. Yes, that's it. She definitely has a problem and must be stopped!

I'm on My Way to Vote ... How About You?

Meeecountrytisoftheeoowww!! Elections are being held around the country this month and I certainly hope you are planning to cast your votes. I won’t tell you who I think you should vote for because that’s what makes our country so grand: you can vote for whomever you very well please. I will tell you, however, that I haven’t seen a single cat on any ballot but it's just a matter of time ... sigh. I do know which candidates are friends of cats so they certainly have my support. I’m afraid there are also a few dog friends on the ballots, as well, but because I am opposed to any sort of dirty politicking I’ll keep those names to myself.

Most importantly, we must each and every one of us make the effort to vote. Even if it means a tiresome wait in the hot sun remember that, by comparison, that is a tiny price to pay compared to the sacrifices of our soldiers throughout history who fought and died so that you & I could have this freedom. Voting is not really about the candidates at all: it’s about showing respect and gratitude to those who preserve this right for us by exercising your right to vote at every opportunity. Thank you.

Vacations Are Simply Exhausting!

Meeeyaawnnooww ~~ I've just returned from my vacation on the coast. It was a reunion of sorts with my university Fraternity brothers and I am going to require daaaays to recuperate. It was a time full of frolicking in the sand and sun; dining upon delectable dishes served up by the finest of chefs (not to mention the continuous flow of wine!); shopping, shopping, and more shopping; and a non-stop supply of beautiful kitties on the beach who demanded my attention. I had a fabulous time but even my little pawpads are sore from the hot sand of the beach (next time I go, I'll have my driver pull the limo right up on the beach). And I learned something new about the girl kitties: they reeeeally like like it when you peep out over the top of your sunglasses to speak to them. They got all giggly everytime!!

Did I mention how exhausted I am?

Blah, Blah, Blah...

Wufff! Its me agin, miss pearl the brown dog who lives with poppy. "Blah, blah, blah..." THATS what i think about mister fancypants poppy and his commints bout dog days of summer an all that. He just wishes he could be a dog: i see him lookin at me from inside the house when im ousside havin a good time rollin aroun in the grass. He jes dont get it. Hes the one whose missin out. If he wasnt so dumb hisself, i might offer to let him hang with me ousside in the backyard all day but no way now! You wanna here somethin funny? I was watchin him one time an he was inside on the windowsill takin a nap and then he stretched and then he fell smack off the windowsill onto the floor! Ha Ha Ha poppy! I saw it and I laffed and laffed. I laffed out loud too cause im not scared of him. Well ok maybe he didnt see me laffin at him but he hassta know he looked pretty dumb. Ok i hafta go before he wakes up an comes in here an sees me sittin at his desk usin his computer. Wuff!

Why Do They Call it the 'Dog Days of Summer'?

Meeeyaawwnnooww! I've often wondered where the saying 'Dog Days of Summer' came from and what it means exactly. Speaking for myself (and surely 99.9% of the entire cat population), the last thing I'd choose to be on a sweltering summer day is a stupid, smelly, woolly dog. But then again, is there any season when it is acceptable to be a dog?

Regarding the prospect of being a dog in the summertime: aside from the matter of the shedding of fur that I hear dog owners fussing about, there is the issue of aroma. Every dog I've ever encountered travels about with an incredibly offensive odor that only gets stronger as the summer progresses. No self-respecting creature would choose to pant and drool and dig in their own fur for fleas. ((Ugh. I'm not sure I can continue to speak on this subject for fear my lunch will resurface...))

I am not making this stuff up about dogs: remember, I am forced to share my home, my manperson AND my ladyperson with a ... being ... that is the absolute definition of anything D-O-G. Throughout the day, I catch glimpses of her as I pass the window from my air-conditioned comfort and there she is in the backyard rolling in the hot grass or stretched out in her smelly little wannabe cabana (aka doghouse). I just don't get it. Dog Days of Summer? No thank you, I'll stick with being a cat everyday. That's a no-brainer. Kind of like that stupid brown dog in my backyard.

Oh the Humanity!!

MeeeethisisSOwrongoooww! You will not, you absolutely will NOT, believe what my ladyperson has done. Do you see that hideous red THING around my neck?? She calls it a "necklace" and strapped it on me so quick I didn't even realize what was going on. Who is this being that has mysteriously replaced my otherwise (ok, occasionally) sensible ladyperson??

First of all, it's very difficult to remain in stealth mode if I JINGLE with every movement. Then there's the itch factor, which I have desperately exaggerated in her presence with hopes she'll take pity on me and remove this despicable piece of adornment. But perhaps the most humiliating issue of all is that I don't think these are real diamonds on this ghastly thing. Now, that is totally crossing the line.

Perhaps I'll bribe the stupid brown dog with it ... yeah! I bet she'd love this hunk o'junk! Although I doubt it would fit around her gargantuan neck. And I certainly don't see myself getting close enough to her to help her put it on. Not to worry, though: this absurd and totally unnecessary bit of embellishment WILL be gone the next time you see me. That's for sure!

Happy Father's Day (I Guess...) to All Manpersons

Meee-ugh!-oowww. I know, I know ... my manperson DOES put up with alot from me. But c'mon, I put up with so much more from him than I should have to. For example:

--> He's the one that giggles as he splashes ice cold water in my face simply because I attempted to take a sip from his cup (a cup that's way too big for one person anyway)...

--> He's the one who whispers "Get that cat!!" to the stupid brown dog just so she'll lumber after me and bark as IF she could catch me and do some real harm...

--> He's the one who will 'pretend' to pet me but actually be petting pretty dang hard and grinning while the smelly brown dog eggs him on...

--> Never once has he even thought about replenishing my chow-chow bowl...

But I guess he's okay because sometimes (when my ladyperson isn't looking) he actually is really nice to me: petting me in just the right ways and making sure I know he kinda likes having me around and that he appreciates the way I take care of our ladyperson.

So, okay, I do hope he's having a good day. But, trust me, if he makes me mad I will get even. And I am so good at getting even ...

Pssssttt!!

Wooof!! I gotta be qwik here..... my name is Miss Pearl but you only no me as "the stupid brown dog". Poppy is sleepin and our ladyperson an manperson are out for the evenin. I got to set y'all straight: that cat Poppy been tellin you folks all kinds of stuff bout me an I just dont think he's givin me or my fellow dogs a fair shake. He dont no that I kin read an he sure dont no that I been monitorin his blog. I jes wanted all of you to no that theres another side to things he says but I'll hafta fill you in later. For now, I better get away from this here computer or Poppy might wake up an catch me and I just dont wanna think bout what could happen then. For such a little guy, he kinda scares me.... I'll chekk back later!

I Lost a Buddy Today

Mew. A really good guy had to leave us today. His name was Max and he was the best kind of buddy you could ever have. Max was the kind of cat that everybody always wanted at their party: he would make sure that everyone in the room was having a good time, even if it meant entertaining them himself. And nobody, I mean nobody, could get jiggy with the Catnip the way Max could. We're all going to miss him but I can assure you: he's up there right now in Heaven telling jokes and dancing a jig with a crowd of lovely, giggling kitty angels around him.

So long, Good Buddy ... save a spot for me on that cloud you're hanging out at now, and tell the pretty little kitty angels to save some sugar for me.

Till I see you again, Max: Peace, my brother.

I Finally Understand What It Means

Meeeoooww to you. All of my life I have seen this red, white and blue striped thing billowing about outside my window and while I always found it pretty and nice to watch, I did not know until today just how important it truly is. You see, it is the American Flag and there are many, many people who have fought very hard to keep this graceful symbol flying. For over 200 years, American people have even gone so far as to sacrifice their own lives just so I and my ladyperson & manperson can live peaceful, contented lives. I know it's that same sacrifice by those very brave men and women that lets me leisurely stretch in a sun spot on my carpet and watch the lovely flag gently dance in the wind as it lulls me to sleep. Those people who fought so hard (and continue to fight today) are called "Soldiers" and my ladyperson and manperson have adult children who are Soldiers but, until now, I never really understood or appreciated what that meant. I've seen them in their sharp uniforms with stripes on their coats and I can tell by the way their chests stand out that they are very, very proud to bear that uniform: perhaps even as proud as I am to have this very important symbol of everything that is right posted prominently outside my window as confirmation of our appreciation and respect. So today my Love, my Respect, and my Gratitude are extended to all of those brave and giving Soldiers who keep my flag, my family and my country safe.

Cat On A Mission

Morenipformeeeennooowww!!! Where's the 'Nip? Where IS the 'Nip??!! I am haunted by the memory of my last hit o' the 'Nip. It calls my name in the middle of my deepest slumber and I find myself wandering aimlessly searching for more. And I've got that creepy feeling that I'm always being watched. I can't sleep, I can't eat (well not as much anyway), and I haven't even noticed the stupid brown dog in days. The lure of the 'Nip has consumed every ounce of my persona. If only I could be an occasional nipper but I simply CAN'T! I want it all ... ALL the 'Nip for meeeee!!!! I've heard soooo many tragic tales of cats who've let the 'Nip get the best of them. They talk of a cat from Ohio who rode that "Nip-train" every night till dawn, stumbling home with twigs and such tangled in his fur. And the 'Nip has been known to turn some of my feline buds into (pardon my foul language): Gutter Cats!! Eeeeeewwwwww! I refuse to think that such could be my destiny. I am stronger than this Nip. I am, afterall, a CAT!! And Poppy D. Cat, at that!!!